...but right now, it hurts a little.

 

Your friends say to keep in touch,

But you know you won't.

Your teachers say come back and see them,

But you know you won't. 

Maybe one day it won't matter,

But right now, it hurt a little.

In 2019, about a year after Seth left for his mission, I decided that one way to focus my attention outward in service to others, rather than inward, missing Seth and grieving the empty nest, was to serve in the temple. Before I had a chance to act on this, a message was read in sacrament meeting explaining that they needed additional workers in the Jordan River Temple (our temple district up in Sandy). 

"Well perfect timing," I thought. I arranged for the needed interviews, and in just a few weeks, was set apart as an ordinance worker at Jordan River. Our shift coordinator began every preparation meeting by greeting us with "Welcome to the best day of the week!" 

She was absolutely right. 

I served every Friday afternoon for a year and a half, until March of 2020, when the world (and the temple) shut down in response to a life-threatening global pandemic. Dare I say all of us experienced some degree of trauma as we lived through what would become the single, most defining event of our lifetimes. Yet with all its horror, despair, grief, sadness, and loss, COVID invited us to rise higher in our humanity. Our response as a people was nothing short of heroic, and indeed, a bit of "good" shed slivers of light in the profound darkness. 

One sliver for me was the opportunity to serve in the Jordan River Temple through the phases of its reopening, post-pandemic. It was pure joy of to welcome small groups of family members, accompanying loved ones as they received their own temple ordinances. It was so quiet in the giant Jordan River Temple during that time. The Spirit radiated the Savior's grace as we all experienced God's healing power made manifest. 

About the time we made it to Phase 4, the temple fully reopened and functional, my family moved to Bluffdale. Temple workers are required to serve in their assigned temple district, and Bluffdale was part of the Oquirrh Mountain Temple district. 

I did not want to go. I did not want to change temples.

At all.

I'm sure there are lots of people who love change and embrace it wholeheartedly. I am not one of those people. I was so happy serving in the Jordan River Temple. I knew people there, I knew how the temple functioned, and I was trained on all the posts. Friday was, indeed, the best day of the week! It was so sad for me to leave.

When they insisted I move, the bishop of our ward expedited the process for me, and I only missed one week between serving at Jordan River and serving at my "new" temple, Oquirrh Mountain. It didn't take long for me to settle in there and feel perfectly at home. There were differences, yes. I missed the size and busyness of Jordan River. Oquirrh is tiny in comparison, and there is much more "down time" for workers. I missed serving as the chapel assistant, welcoming the company to the sessions and instructing them how and when to move to the endowment room. (Only brothers do this at Oquirrh Mountain.)

But I also had new opportunities that I hadn't had at Jordan River, including serving in the baptistry and on the sealing floor, and this past year as Endowment Coordinator. I grew to love that little temple; it became my own. And the lovely people who work there became my "Saturday afternoon friends." 

About a year ago, I sat in our preparation meeting one such Saturday afternoon, next to my friend Tess. As our temple matron began her remarks, she informed us that she would be sharing the final decisions regarding the reorganization of temple districts when the new Taylorsville and Tooele Temples open. Tess lives practically across the street from the Oquirrh Mountain Temple; there wasn't a doubt she and Corby would stay there. She turned to me and whispered, "Do you think you could be transferred?" I had no idea.

Sister Sahm read the names of the stakes that would eventually move to the Taylorsville and Tooele temples. Then she said, "....and the following stakes will be transferred to the Jordan River Temple: Bluffdale and Bluffdale South."

Stunned, I spoke quietly to Tess: "I'm leaving. I'm going back to Jordan River."

It felt surreal. Like one of those "full-circle" moments. Fortunately, I had a full year to process this information and prepare for the change. Last Saturday, April 20th was my last day serving as an ordinance worker in the Oquirrh Mountain Temple. I had spent the previous couple of weeks training a new Endowment Coordinator, so this final day I got to work a normal line assignment, taking me to numerous posts all around the temple, saying goodbye to the many people I would no longer see. And of course I wasn't the only one saying goodbye; there were many quiet, heartfelt glances; sad eyes; and gentle hugs. I was especially grateful for one last opportunity that day to serve in the baptistry; that is the post I'll miss the most. 

Those of us moving to Jordan River have the month of May off. We aren't allowed to begin serving at Jordan until the Taylorsville Temple is dedicated June 2nd. My first day at Jordan River will be Friday, June 7th. And yes, I'm excited! I'm stoked to be returning to my original temple, where I was trained, where I first administered the ordinances. I look forward to reuniting with a handful of people I remember and who are still serving on the Friday afternoon shift.

But the flip side has left me with a few tears welling behind my eyes. Farewell, my "Saturday afternoon friends!"

Maybe one day it won't matter,

But right now, it hurt a little.

Dissoi logoi: A "truthier" truth

It was over halfway through the Sunday morning session of General Conference nine days ago. I sat in my bed (pajama church for the win!) tears streaming down my face. I had just listened to a message from Elder Patrick Kearon, the newly called and sustained apostle for our church. All weekend I had waited for his talk, but no, I had no idea the intensely emotional effect it would have on me.

As he said, Amen, I whispered quietly through my tears, "I think I have a new favorite apostle."

But no, Elder Uchtdorf, don't you worry! This blog is still named after your October 2013 General Conference talk, "Come, Join with Us." You are still my favorite. Although it takes a bit of an elastic approach to the literal meaning of "favorite," I often say that I'm God's favorite. I truly feel like I am. (Even though I know, of course, that everyone else is too.) That's just the nature of our Heavenly Parents and our Savior; we are all their favorite.

It's like when people ask me which of my five children is my favorite. I usually say, "Whichever one I'm with at the time!" And in the rare event that they are all five with me at the same time, or in the wonderfully frequent event that four of the five are, then they are all my favorite! Though I am still miles away from living the kind of life our Heavenly Parents live, I feel like this is the one way I come closest, and I'll take it! Elder Uchtdorf didn't get replaced as my favorite apostle; he just got a new friend with whom to share the role.

It was Elder Kearon's first opportunity to speak as an apostle to the entire worldwide church, along with anyone else who might be listening. And what did he choose to talk about? Jesus! The radical grace and transformative love that Jesus extends willingly to everyone, every single person ever born, without exception. No barriers. No barricades. No desire to keep anyone out. "No one has built a roadblock and stationed someone there to turn you around and send you away. In fact, it is the exact opposite. God is in relentless pursuit of you."

Huh. Relentless. Well that is good news, indeed, considering sometimes I can be pretty hard to catch. I think it's easy for us to misinterpret certain parts of scripture and come to believe that we must do a bunch of stuff in order to qualify for God's mercy. But if we had to do stuff in order to qualify for mercy, then it wouldn't be mercy! The very essence of mercy is that it's given freely and with no strings attached. Now in case anyone reading this is shouting, "What about James 2:17! 'Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead...,'" let me clarify. 

The difference between trying to earn grace and living in response to grace, though subtle, is very real. It involves purpose and tone, why we do the things we do and in what spirit. Do we walk the covenant journey, turning back to God when we wander, because we love our Heavenly Parents and our Savior and desire to live in harmony with Them? Or do we do it to display our righteousness and lift ourselves higher, which often leads to judgment?

Elder Kearon taught us that "God wants for us a radical reorientation of our selfish and prideful impulses, the eviction of the natural man, for us to 'go, and sin no more.'” This desire is completely inclusive. As he spoke these words, I couldn't help but think of Nephi's teaching that "there are save two churches only; the one is the church of the Lamb of God, and the other is the church of the devil” (1 Nephi 14:10). To me, that means that everyone, whether they know it or not, whether they understand it or not, is part of the church of the Lamb. Elder Boyd K. Packer taught way back in 2004 that "...everyone, no matter where they live or what they believe or what they do—has within them the imperishable Light of Christ."

Everyone. Christians and those of other faith traditions, believers and atheists, those who have never heard of Jesus and those who strive with heart and soul to follow Him. "Everyone" is a universal symbol of inclusion. If Nephi and Elder Packer are correct, then only the tiniest, most infinitesimal number of folks who truly worship evil and seek to perpetuate it make up the church of the devil; everyone else is part of the church of the Lamb of God, guided by that "imperishable Light of Christ."

When we understand and acknowledge that everyone we meet is part of Christ's church, we're less likely to cling to tired and exclusive language like, "I know this is the only true church on the face of the earth," which inaccurately, yet often convincingly, implies that ours is the only church with any truth at all. Instead, we seek for common ground, mutual appreciation, and a desire to learn and progress together with those of other faith traditions as well those with no faith tradition at all. To use a fave LDS phrase, "With real intent," we seek to learn from others around us, regardless of their background, lifestyle, religion, political affiliation, culture, race, gender, or sexual orientation. We recognize that their truth might add to and strengthen our own. 

In doing so, we engage in a process the Greeks called "Dissoi logoi." I teach this to my Intermediate Writing and Rhetoric students as they prepare to write their final essay, one traditionally referred to as the "Argument Essay." In their past educational experiences, most were taught that their goal for this "argument" genre is to make a statement of opinion backed up by claims with evidence to support them, then acknowledge counter-arguments, with the sole purpose of shutting them down! As we lean into Dissoi logoi, we seek instead to find common ground with those who hold opposing viewpoints, double arguments so to speak, as we ask ourselves "What elements of truth can I find within these opposing viewpoints that would bring all of us to a "truthier" truth?"

How cool is that!? 

And how can we apply it to our intentional, ongoing study of the gospel of Jesus Christ?

So what were my takeaways from last weekend's General Conference? There were many, many, but I will share a few as I conclude:

• The covenant journey is worth the struggle of every step, because the Savior of the whole world wants to walk that covenant journey alongside me. I'm His favorite.  
• I have a new favorite apostle. His is name is Elder Kearon, and he preaches Jesus, Jesus, and more Jesus, with the coolest British accent, and he's also hilarious ("Behind every new Apostle stands an astonished mother-in-law.")
• Elder Uchtdorf is still my favorite too.
• The guy who spoke following Elder Kearon had the most challenging position of the weekend, and he totally crushed it. As Elder Kearon concluded his remarks, Gerald said something like "I wouldn't want to have to follow him." I'd be lying if I said I agree with that statement, because speaking in General Conference would be like a fairy tale dream come true for me, regardless of the speaking order, but I did understand Gerald's sentiment. 
• Oh, and the guy's name, the one who spoke after Elder Kearon, is Elder Brian K. Taylor, and his tender teaching on how, even in times of intense adversity, we may be "swallowed up in the joy of Christ" was freakin' on point! No downplay of the tragedies and pain mortality brings. No "Everything happens for a reason" babble. Just the testimony that the right answer and the only answer to life's tragedies is Jesus.

It is always, always Jesus.