General Conference was unusual this time around. First, I was the only one home for a couple of the sessions, and I was so buried in work that I tried to multitask by grading essays as I listened to the talks. This didn't work well. I didn't get the full impact of the talks, and my grading was inefficient <sigh>. That is until the amazing Sister Tamara Runia took the stand Sunday morning. From the time she opened her mouth to speak until she pronounced "Amen" and returned to her seat, I was captured. There is a culture that permeates our Church (though not doctrinal) that the way to get blessings is to do more stuff. That slippery slope can lead to a false belief, whether conscious or not, that doing more stuff will somehow make us more acceptable to God and that any mistakes we make along the way define us and will be held against us. Sister Runia kick ball-changed that nonsense right to the curb, as she invited us to ignore the voice that tells us to "hide" and instead, to "bravely believe in Christ. Walk over to him and turn on the Light." There we go. That's the God I worship.
Well, after her remarks, I returned to my listening/grading mode, waiting for Elder Patrick Kearon's turn to speak. I had to wait a long time, as he was the third to last speaker Sunday afternoon. The wait was worth it. This guy never disappoints. Dovetailing on Sister Runia's message, Elder Kearon asked us to reflect on what it means to receive God's gift. When we recognize and remember our heritage as precious daughters and sons of deity, we are transformed. "When you welcome this majestic reality into your very soul and feel both the comfort and thrill of it, your entire paradigm shifts!" Indeed! And then my favorite part, the best part, really. Again, pushing back against the culture of having to do stuff in order to be loved by God, Elder Kearon asks and answers that question directly: "You may be wondering, 'What do I have to do to receive this gift from God?' Well, actually, nothing. It is a gift from the Giver. It is simply a fact. Just let it in...Don't complicate it." Whoa, nothing? I know it seems too good to be true. That's why people struggle to believe it and add a bunch of caveats, restrictions, and rules. But in this particular case, "too good to be true" is actually false. Praise God!
Now, I pause to explain. I've written about General Conference many, many times. Never have I written about talks that troubled me. Never have I been quite this troubled. Saturday afternoon, before either of these two God-centered, grace-affirming talks, I heard another one. And this one hurt me. And I have to talk about it. When Elder Neil L. Anderson began his remarks and his topic became clear, I knew I would likely disagree with at least some of what he said. No worries. I disagree with the official position of the Church on several issues. Nothing in my membership in the Church or in my covenants as a member requires me to agree with every position the Church takes or every comment its leaders make. On this particular issue, I support a woman's right to choose what she does with her own body; her reproductive healthcare choices are hers alone. The Church takes the position that elective abortion should be prohibited, other than in circumstances of rape, incest, or serious threat to the life of the mother. We disagree. That's okay.
Why then was I so hurt by Elder Anderson's words? It wasn't because of his stance on elective abortion, but rather one example he used to support his position. I couldn't come up with a more outrageous, misogynist example if I tried! He tells the story of a woman, who learns that her husband has cheated on her, and the outcome is the pregnancy of another woman, who was then considering an abortion. The wife begs this woman to carry the pregnancy to term in order to prevent the abortion, promising that she will raise the child as her own. First, let me say that this wife's actions are fine if that's what she feels called to do. The problem is that an apostle speaking in General Conference presented this choice as the most faithful, righteous, and even "saintly" one.
Uh, no.
I will never face these circumstances, but if I did, I can tell you with 100% certainty what I would do. I would wish my husband well (and mean it!), but my marriage would end. Pregnancy or no pregnancy, this would be a deal-breaker. Be clear. I have no desire to be called "saintly." Hard pass on that. I'll remain my regular, mistake-making self. But my own personal boundaries would not allow the marriage to continue. You see, I'm the cherished daughter of Heavenly Parents and also beloved by the Savior of the whole world! So I am worthy of better. And I would certainly feel no responsibility for a pregnancy that was the result of my husband's adulterous affair. Her business. Her choice.
I think the hurt I felt as I listened, incredulously, to this talk was for other women who have experienced similar circumstances, those whose personal boundaries and values led them to end their marriages and move on. Elder Anderson at least implied that they are not quite as faithful or righteous as the wife in his story. How very sad for them.
Alas, in the same month as General Conference comes Easter, with its glorious message of grace, redemption, and joy! I will hold fast to that message. I will stick with Sister Runia, who teaches me that my worth can never change, regardless of what I do, because I literally belong to God. And with Elder Kearon, who reminds me that the best gift ever was already given, and I don't have to do a single thing to earn it, because it is already mine.
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