You don't have to be Nephi.

Don't get me wrong. I like Nephi. I really do. He exhibits tremendous faith and unparalleled perseverance in the most dire circumstances. The thing is, I keep waiting for him to be human, to make a mistake, to doubt his faith, to do anything that isn't absolutely perfect. 

As a result, I find myself relating far better to Laman and Lemuel than I do Nephi. I can connect with them; they seem real. Cuz I make mistakes all the time. I doubt my faith. I lack the emotional strength to make hard decisions. I doubt some more. I am quick to take offense and slow to forgive. I am self-absorbed and insensitive to others' needs. I am judgmental. I gossip. The list goes on. Does Nephi share any of these struggles? We don't know.

Now to cut Nephi some slack, keep in mind that he is the one writing the story. I suppose if we were writing our own stories, we'd present ourselves in the most positive light. It makes sense. And if his purpose is to bear testimony of the divinity of Jesus Christ and God's eternal plan for our happiness, he does a fabulous job! As I've prepped for "Come Follow Me" lessons in 1st and 2nd Nephi these past few weeks, I've been renewed with spiritual strength as I've pondered the love of the Savior and the lengths he'll go to in order to be exactly that. Nephi preaches Jesus eloquently, and I have feasted upon his words these last couple of months!

But fortunately, I don't have to be Nephi in order to receive Jesus' love or to be transformed by his grace as it pours freely over me and my life. And neither do you. You can be Thomas, the doubter. You can be Peter, the denier. You can be Paul, the persecutor. You can be Alma the Younger, the wicked doer. You can be the Woman at the Well, Laman and Lemuel, even David, the murderer and adulterer! Not that you should be, of course. Absolutely don't do those things! But the point is, God uses imperfect people to do great work, and Jesus loves us and saves us no matter what. Jesus doesn't love us because we're good; Jesus loves us because he is good. And he's already paid the price for our salvation. He reaches out with arms wide open and says, "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28).

I fear sometimes we forget this. Or we're misguided by an incomplete or inaccurate reading of specific scripture referencers taken out of context. For example, the second part of 2 Nephi 25:23: "...for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." This could lead us to feel like we have to work hard to earn our salvation, or (worse!) that Jesus will only help us after we've expended every last fraction of our time, effort, and energy trying to solve our problems ourselves. Nothing could be further from the truth. I mean seriously, what did Paul ever do before Jesus jumped in to rescue him on the Road to Damascus? Or the woman caught in adultery? Or the thief on the cross? Or countless others? Jesus wants to enter our stories in the middle of the messiness, in the utter chaos that is our lives, in the midst of doubt, fear, bad choices, and confusion. I think that's where He does His best work! 

So what about that scripture in Nephi? Some tell me that the word "after" actually means "in spite of." "...for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, [in spite of] all we can do." I like that a little better. The phrase "in spite of" suggests that we can never do enough, and that is certainly true. Humans could spend 100+ years striving to do all they can, failing miserably, and forever stressing over whether they've done enough, while the answer is right in front of them: knowing the "source to which they may look for a remission of their sins" (2 Nephi 27:26). 

A second way to look at 2 Nephi: 25:23 (and my favorite!) is to consider it in the context of its surrounding narrative. I just stopped writing this post and counted the number of times Nephi counsels his audience (us!) about what they need to do in order to inherit the Kingdom. He exhorts his readers to "believe in Christ" or "believe on His name" 10 times, just in the handful of verses surrounding verse 23. It seems pretty clear that "all we can do" is believe in Christ. He is the eternal enabler and the only One capable of healing the broken, redeeming the lost, and empowering the willing.

And that kinda leads to a final thought regarding the well-known verse in James 2: "...faith without works is dead." Indeed, we cannot earn grace. God's grace is fully undeserved and, in fact, already ours! What we are called to do is to live in response to grace. I witness this all the time, don't you? It's manifested in the goodness of fallen, imperfect people, in our church, in other churches, and in no church at all. John 1:9 teaches that Jesus "was the true light, which lighteth every man that cometh into the world." When a child comes running full speed to pet my dog and delights in the joy of animals, I see it. When a young man takes his great-grandma's arm and helps her into her home, I see it. When citizens attend their precinct caucus meetings and actively participate in the process to shape government, I see it. When a sleep-deprived mother gets up for the 14th time in the night to comfort her infant, I see it. All these and countless others are examples of imperfect people responding to the light within them.

So back to Nephi. Dude, I look forward to meeting you one day. I want you to tell me the stories of your life, including your struggles, your mistakes and what they taught you. I wanna know you're human. And I want to thank you with all my heart for writing the record of your experiences and your steadfast testimony of the God I know: the God who saves, the God who weeps, the God who rescues, the God who enters our stories wherever we are, the God who offers radical grace, and the God who loves with might greater than we can possibly comprehend.

The Son shone brightly this Easter morn!

For those of us in the Salt Lake Valley, it's been a long, hard winter. Yes, I lived in Montana for seven years, where winters could be even more challenging, but in my 12 years here in Utah, I've never experienced such relentless cold or never-ending snow. Every time we dared to think "Maybe this is the last big storm," another arrived. As recently as last week, we had over foot of new snowfall, closing our local school district yet again and triggering my driving anxiety. Yet again!

But this Easter morn, the Son shone brightly!

Guys! It is such a beautiful day! As I walked into church, wearing a short-sleeved dress and no coat, I couldn't help think about the first Easter morn, when after three days of what must have been crippling grief, Jesus's followers awoke to a beautiful day. Their Lord had risen, culminating the most miraculous event in human history, and the most impactful. The Son shone brightly that Easter morn.

....as it does today. For us! Easter reminds us that hope is ours for the asking. It is freely given, and received by anyone who desires it. 

Even after the snowiest winter, because of the Son, the sun will shine again.

Through the most tumultuous storms, whether literal or figurative, because of the Son, calm will come.

They say time heals all wounds, but that is not true. Jesus heals all wounds. Absolutely all of them.

Not that I'm wishing time away, because I'm definitely not. I actually find myself regularly wishing time would slow down. But I do look forward with excitement to the end of this year when we get to study the extremely cool book: The Revelation of St. John the Divine, which includes one of my most favorite references:

"And the city had no need of the sun, neither of the moon, to shine in it; for the glory of God did lighten it, and the Lamb is the light thereof. And the nations of them which are saved shall walk in the light of it: and the kings of the earth do bring their glory and honour into it" (Revelation 21:23-24).

You know, had Easter come any earlier this year, we would have had some snowy Easter egg hunts. And that would have been just fine too because, as the above scripture promises, we have no need of the sun to lighten our lives, if we invite the Son to do so. 

Still, I like to think God looked down upon all of us here in the valley, and with infinite grace, sent us spring, just in time for Easter.

The Son shone brightly this Easter morn!

I am grateful.

(Early Happy Birthday to our favorite Isaiah, who will be working in Las Vegas next week on his actual birthday!)

Tears of Sadness

Let me begin by saying that, for me, this was the best General Conference in recent years. The Palm Sunday/Easter focus, the outreach/gathering focus, and most importantly, the cumulative Christ focus were unparalleled. I sat for nine hours and soaked it in. Every word, every hymn, every prayer pointed me closer to the Savior and His infinite love. I closed out the weekend feeling joy, hope, and inspiration to go forth and do His will.

Saturday evening, Amanda, Eli, and I watched the session together in our basement. That's where we have the biggest, nicest TV, a cozy sectional couch, warm blankets, and soft lighting. Snacks in hand, we gathered to listen and learn. 

During the final talk, I noticed tears in Eli's eyes. He was fighting hard against them, but come they did. I had no idea why. When the talk ended and also the session, Eli declared: "That one really got me."

"Why?" I asked.  

The talk by Elder K. Brett Nattress of the Seventy began with his testimony that our Heavenly Parents and our Savior love us and always remember us. Then he asked, "Do we always remember them?" He followed up by telling the story of a young man he once knew. Danny had been raised in the Church, and at some point got lost in the chaos of drug addiction, particularly methamphetamine. His life spiraled out of control for awhile, but ultimately, he chose to get the help he needed to overcome this challenge. At one meeting with his bishop, the bishop said, "Danny, I think we should talk about preparing your papers to serve a full-time mission."

Danny: Oh, Bishop, I would love to serve a mission, but you know the things I've done. I'm afraid I've lost that opportunity.

Bishop: Well, I don't know for sure, but let's try and see what happens. If it turns out you are excused, you will know that your desire was to serve the Lord, and you did all you could.

A few months later, Danny received a letter in the mail from the First Presidency of the Church with his call to serve a full-time mission. He served faithfully for 24 months, returned home, married, and is now raising a family of his own in the Church.

This was a touching story of the absolute central message of the gospel, and it warmed my soul to hear it; however, I still didn't understand why it had been such a trigger for Eli, whose story was nothing like Danny's.

He proceeded to explain.

"Mom, all I could think about was my friend Jack [name changed]."

Jack, too, was raised in the Church and became sidetracked during high school with alcohol and marijuana. Like Danny, Jack eventually decided he no longer wanted that life; he wanted to change! He went to his bishop for help and told him that one day, he would like to serve a mission. The bishop's words stung this young man to his core:

"Oh, you won't ever be approved to serve a mission, after your behavior."

I watched Eli's heart break for his friend, whom he hasn't seen in a decade. I, as well, have fond memories of Jack, transporting him and Eli to and from sports events and choir activities during middle school, seeing him at church occasionally, though he wasn't in our ward. My heart breaks for him all these years later.

I'm grateful for bishops like the one Elder Natteress described in his talk, one who believes in the healing, transformative power of the Savior's atonement; one who tries to love as Jesus loves; one who looks at a kid and sees his divine potential, rather than his past mistakes. We have a bishop like that in our ward. One of his favorite lines is "You can't mistake your way out of the redeeming love of your Savior."

I'm grateful for bishops like that.

"For the Strength of Everyone": My thoughts on October, 2022 General Conference

It's been three weeks since General Conference, and I'm only now drafting my post about it. Why the delay? Like everyone, I'm busier than I'd like to be. My dream world would include limitless time to read, write, and walk, but alas, household responsibilities and a job worm their way in, and rob me of my precious reading and writing time. (I'm a fanatic about walking; nothing impedes that.) I also needed time to think about what I would say, time to process the talks and focus on what resonated most with me as well as reflect on their significance to the world at this time. This process continues indefinitely, but I think I'm ready to put words to a few of my thoughts.

First, I so loved Elder Bednar's talk on "The Parable of the Wedding Feast." Exegetical discussion of scripture is my favorite, and Elder Bednar did a fabulous job explaining the spiritual truths in this parable. I was mesmerized! To be "chosen" is NOT an exclusive status. We all can "choose to be chosen," as we honor our covenant relationship with God. Hooray!

I was also grateful for Elder Renlund's talk as he reminded us that "with the help of the Holy Ghost, we can transform ourselves into the beings God intends us to be." Consider the power in those words! The covenant relationship that began with Abraham and Sarah and their little family so long ago is now ours. It is personally transformative and the sole means by which we realize our divine lineage and potential. Elder Renlund was also clear about our sacred responsibility to seek and receive personal revelation for our lives as we move through our own covenant journey: "Leaders may guide and give counsel, but choices and decisions belong with us." Woo!

Happiest of all was I, when Elder Uchtdorf announced the revised "For the Strength of Youth" pamphlet. Truth be told, I have always disliked that particular document, so much so that I basically ignored it as I raised my teenagers and considered it only slightly when I served in a Young Women's Presidency. The rigid rules and legalism in the former version of the pamphlet did nothing to strengthen my testimony, deepen my conversion, or help me feel yoked to my Savior, and if I felt that put off by the language and tone, imagine how our sweet young men and young women might have felt.

But guys!!! This new one is splendidly different! It doesn’t make choices for us, but focuses on the "doctrine, foundations, and values" to guide our choices. It points our youth not so much to rules but to the only source where they can find true hope....their Savior, Jesus Christ. "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophesies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins" (2 Nephi 25:26).

Time with our youth is limited and so precious. Shoulder shaming our adorable young women and preaching againt tattoos to our awesome young men seem like sad and unproductive uses of that precious time. Surely there are other principles more worthy. What if instead we asked them to reflect upon what living a covenant life might look like, knowing it will look different for each of us? Or what if we asked them to consider what they already know about the character of their Savior and how remembering His goodness and power and love might sustain them in the darker periods of mortality? Or what if we shared how we have used His healing atonement in our own lives to carry us when we couldn't walk on our own?

Surely discussions such as these would strengthen our youth and nurture their conversion process way more than inconsequential, culturally-specific stuff like hemlines, earrings, tank tops, and tattoos.

This revised pamphlet refocuses us on the only true source of strength: Jesus!

And that, my friends, is "For the Strength of Everyone!"

"Stay for the whole feast, even if you're not sure about the broccoli."

It was my favorite line from General Conference.

I didn't get to hear it live. I was at a baby shower for a dear friend on Saturday and then busy all week with teaching and end-of-semester grading. It wasn't until four days ago that I blocked out some time to watch both Saturday sessions. My two favorite talks came one after the other during the Saturday afternoon session: first, Elder Jeffery R. Holland's "Fear Not: Believe Only!" followed by Elder Patrick Kearon's "He is Risen with Healing in His Wings: We Can Be More Than Conquerors."

Yesterday, I substituted for a seminary teacher at Mountain Ridge High School Seminary in Herriman. As I took roll, I asked students to give me their favorite line from General Conference, not their favorite talk, but their favorite line. One cute sophomore mentioned a line from Elder Andersen's talk: "Peacemakers are not passive; they are persuasive in the Savior's way." She explained how she tries to be a peacemaker within her group of friends, not by withdrawing from their drama but by seeking to bring the light of Jesus into the chaos, through her own calmness. Another young man shared a line from Elder Bednar's talk "But We Heeded Them Not" and explained that he relies on the Holy Ghost to bring clarity to his judgment as he seeks to "heed not" various temptations in his life. Are you impressed? Same. Teenagers are so much better than us at zeroing in on the truth, raw and real, and its relevant applications. That's why I jump at the chance to teach seminary whenever I can.

My personal favorite line from Conference weekend came from Elder Holland's talk and became the title of this post. Let me first explain that I hate broccoli. Really, I do. I wish I liked it because it's high on every single list of food that's good for us. But alas, the smell is enough to turn my stomach, and even raw, I think it's gross. So Elder Holland chose the perfect vegetable for his beautiful metaphor. Surprising? Nope. He is a rhetorical genius.

But why this line? Well you see, I plan to stay for the whole feast. I'm not going anywhere. I'm all in. That doesn't mean that I don't ever have questions, doubts, struggles with doctrine, sometimes even struggles with the way our leaders interpret the doctrine. I am human, blessed with the capacity to think, to wonder, to speculate. I study. I pray. I seek answers. I search out revelation for my own life. I don't always receive it, but sometimes I do, and for both outcomes, I am grateful. The latter gives me clear direction, and the former challenges and strengthens my faith.

I am blessed with the opportunity to serve in the Jordan River Temple every Friday afternoon as an ordinance worker. Our shift coordinator always opens our prep meeting with "Welcome to the best day of the week!" Oh, she is so right about that. There is nothing better than being in the temple. A couple weeks ago, I sat in the temple cafeteria during my 20-minute break and listened to a discussion between two older sisters. Addressing the importance of heeding prophetic counsel, one sister commented, "In my family, when the Prophet speaks, the discussion ends." This sweet sister has taught me much in the time I've known her, but this comment left me confused. Troubled even. Because in my family, when the Prophet speaks, that's when the discussion begins! That's when we start the process of pondering and praying to understand what his counsel might look like in our individual lives. It will look different for each of us, because we are different. Sometimes we process the Conference talks by ourselves, in our own ways and in our own timing. But oftentimes, we share our thoughts, either in person or in family text threads. I love learning from my children, hearing their perspectives on the messages. Yes, when the Prophet speaks, the discussion begins!

I'm grateful for a gospel that honors my moral agency, one that doesn't ask me to blindly obey, but to search and study and struggle on my own, with my family, and with my ward family. Wrestling with scripture, as well as with modern-day counsel and revelation, is what leads to increased depth and breadth of understanding. We don't understand everything, and I don't think we ever will in this mortal journey. And that is okay. The process of becoming who we are meant to be is long, and not without hills and valleys, mountains and seas. But be assured; we are promised everything! We are promised all God has, if we will do our best to be faithful and endure. As we study "Come Follow Me" this week, let's look at what the God of Israel promises. Humor the English teacher for a second, and look at the verbs: 

The God of Israel will fight for us (Exodus 14:14), provide for us (Exodus 16:4), heal us (Exodus 15:26), and fill us full (Exodus 16:12). The God of Israel promises to always be with us, and ultimately, to deliver us. Through a covenant with one little family, nations are blessed. Through their faithfulness, the gospel of hope springs forth and floods the earth.

Yes, Elder Holland. I will stay for the whole feast, even if I'm not sure about the broccoli.

"Mom, I just really miss church."

This was part of a conversation I had with Seth on our daily walk around the neighborhood yesterday. And of course, it warmed my very soul. As parents in the church, we long so desperately for our kids to gain testimonies of the gospel, firm ones that will sustain them through all the trials they will face in life. Above all else, we want their happiness, and we know that is best achieved through strong, unwavering faith in their savior. So we try hard to foster that faith.

Our efforts aren't always enough, though. No matter what, it feels like we can never do everything we need to do. When we have several children, we struggle to meet all their diverse needs, and sometimes that's literally impossible. Someone, it seems, is always disappointed. I don't know much about how dads feel, but I understand "mom guilt" to its very core. "Maybe this happened because we don't hold FHE regularly enough. We do it often, but not always." "Or maybe that happened because we suck at that all-important family dinner, the one where everyone sits at a table at the same time and shares his or her day, the one that prevents your children from becoming drug addicts.

Truth is, most parents are doing their absolute best. Most of us don't get up in the morning and plot out how we can ruin our children's lives. Yet every last one of our children could easily find himself in therapy one day because, somewhere along the line, a critical need got missed. There were only two Perfect Parents, and last I heard, even they lost 1/3 of their kids.

That said, two occasions in particular demonstrate that our precious offspring have found their faith, that they no longer rely solely on our testimonies or "borrowed light" as we like to call it. One is when we send them off on missions, and another is when we sit next to them in the temple as they are sealed to their spouses. I've had the privilege of doing the former three times and the latter twice. Hardly anything compares to those experiences.

But Seth's mission didn't end as we expected. After serving just 19 months, his mission was abruptly halted because of COVID-19, when all North American missionaries serving in Paraguay were sent home. Those like Seth, who had served over 18 months, were permanently released. Their missions were over. Seth handled all this very well, much better than I did, but it wasn't (and still isn't) easy. He came home to 14 days of quarantine inside our house, followed by social distancing and sheltering in place. And so it's been for the last seven weeks. He can't hang out with friends. He can't date.

And he can't attend church. Imagine spending 19 months teaching people the importance of church attendance, and then not being able to do that, himself.

Fast forward to today, April 11, 2022. It was May of 2020, when I wrote this post; I just never got around to publishing it. I want it preserved, so I'm gonna post it today, nearly a year late, but probably not share on social media. Suffice it to say that COVID is far better controlled now than it was then, and I'm happy report that Seth, and all of us, are once again able to attend church in person.

You too! Always remember that! As Elder Uchtdorf told us, "There is room for you!"

The True Meaning of "Modesty"

Recently, a friend took her 4-year-old daughter to kindergarten orientation at her neighborhood elementary school. At one point, the children were taken to a different room to play, so the parents could receive instruction from the kindergarten teacher regarding how to prepare their kids for school. This part of the meeting lasted maybe 20 minutes, and other than a brief nod to the importance of kindergartners being fully bathroom independent, the entire 20 minutes was devoted to the dress code, specifically, acceptable dress for little girls.

Girls are not allowed to wear tank tops unless they are thick enough that their shoulders are covered, and if they wear shorts, the shorts must be knee length when the girls are seated. 

Seriously? These are 5-year-olds we're talking about! This is an elementary school. The oldest girls are turning 12. I'm confused on so many levels; I barely know where to begin.

First, I can't figure out the need for a dress code in an elementary school. I just can't. Kids should wear comfortable play clothes, weather appropriate. In August, that will likely include shorts and tank tops. Shorts, by definition, are short. They don't go down to the knees. Tank tops do not cover shoulders. Of course not.

Second, if leadership in elementary schools feel they need a dress code, why is it targeted only at females? There was zero discussion in this meeting about what boys should wear. For example, are there restrictions on images or words printed on t-shirts? If so, what are they? 

I worry all this might be the result of our church culture seeping into the public schools here in Utah. I hope not, but yes, I wonder. Our church culture tends to emphasize the word "modesty" a lot, often to persuade girls (primarily) to dress in ways that cover more of their bodies. In reality, "modesty" has little to do with dress specifically; instead, it has to do with humility vs. pride. It is an attitude. If we are modest, we don't seek to draw attention to ourselves. We focus outward, on loving and serving others. We don't flaunt our wealth or our beauty or our possessions. 

In Biblical times, Paul used the word "modest" to mean appropriate or comely. We should act and dress appropriately for the various occasions of our lives. 

This begs the question: Who gets to decide what's appropriate? I remember last summer sitting under a tree at a water park, resting, after multiple trips up and down the slides. I do love water slides! I was dressed in a tankini bathing suit. It had spaghetti straps, a top that revealed maybe an inch of my stomach, and board shorts that hit mid thigh. I had spent two hours running up stairs and sliding down slides, alongside dozens of people, both women and men.

Was I dressed appropriately for the occasion? Yep. Was I modest? Indeed. I had zero desire to draw attention to myself or to show off my hot, sexy body (yeah, right!); I was simply wearing the best option for a water park. Would my tankini bathing suit be an appropriate choice for work? Dumb question. So you see, it isn't that certain types of clothing are inherently immodest; it has to do with the reason behind our choices (humility vs. pride) and the appropriateness to the occasion. 

In our church, many families choose to teach their children to wear clothing they would be able to wear once they make temple covenants as adults. Let me go on record to say that this is perfectly okay. Teach your children what is in your heart. We are all doing our best and no one parents perfectly. As long as you teach and guide with love, if you want your children to dress from infancy as though they were temple endowed, that is absolutely okay.

What is not okay is to judge other church members who don't make this same choice. Like me. My kids wore normal, perfectly acceptable clothing. In hot weather, they sometimes wore shorts and tank tops. At swimming pools, they wore swimsuits, for the boys, swim trunks that left their entire upper body exposed! My daughter wore shorter skirts and strapless prom dresses. In the winter, they all wore sweaters, long pants, and coats. Were my children modest? Always. Their clothing was appropriate for the occasion, and their goal was not prideful.

Unfortunately, that wasn't good enough for some church members. They didn't judge my sons so much, but my daughter was often shamed by well meaning but woefully misguided church leaders and members, who felt her clothing wasn't "modest" enough. You know what? That wasn't their choice to make. It was mine, my husband's, and my daughter's. She even received an anonymous letter, implying that, because of her clothing, she would never be able to find a husband who would want to marry her in the temple. Nope, I couldn't make this stuff up.

This is dangerous territory, my friends, and equally dangerous is suggesting to kindergartners in public elementary schools that their shoulders and knees are "immodest." Even if we use the term "modest" to mean covering up one's body (I would never use it this way, but just hypothetically), it's dangerous to use it in relationship to young children. Kids can't be immodest. It's impossible. If you are having sexual thoughts about children, you have a problem. Get help. But don't make silly rules about shorts and tank tops for elementary school kids.

Finally, those of you who choose to have your children dress as though they were temple endowed, please, please teach them not to judge others who don't make the same choice. My daughter remained active in the church and ultimately married in the temple. Turns out her testimony was stronger than the shaming she encountered. For many girls, it wouldn't be.

I'd love to tell my friend's little girl that she'll be welcome at her new school come August, wearing her normal play clothes. I can't. I'm not in charge. What I will say is whoever you are, and whatever you wear, you are welcome in my church. We open our arms to everyone. 

As President Uchtdorf proclaimed, "There is room for you in this church."