Girls are not allowed to wear tank tops unless they are thick enough that their shoulders are covered, and if they wear shorts, the shorts must be knee length when the girls are seated.
Seriously? These are 5-year-olds we're talking about! This is an elementary school. The oldest girls are turning 12. I'm confused on so many levels; I barely know where to begin.
First, I can't figure out the need for a dress code in an elementary school. I just can't. Kids should wear comfortable play clothes, weather appropriate. In August, that will likely include shorts and tank tops. Shorts, by definition, are short. They don't go down to the knees. Tank tops do not cover shoulders. Of course not.
Second, if leadership in elementary schools feel they need a dress code, why is it targeted only at females? There was zero discussion in this meeting about what boys should wear. For example, are there restrictions on images or words printed on t-shirts? If so, what are they?
I worry all this might be the result of our church culture seeping into the public schools here in Utah. I hope not, but yes, I wonder. Our church culture tends to emphasize the word "modesty" a lot, often to persuade girls (primarily) to dress in ways that cover more of their bodies. In reality, "modesty" has little to do with dress specifically; instead, it has to do with humility vs. pride. It is an attitude. If we are modest, we don't seek to draw attention to ourselves. We focus outward, on loving and serving others. We don't flaunt our wealth or our beauty or our possessions.
In Biblical times, Paul used the word "modest" to mean appropriate or comely. We should act and dress appropriately for the various occasions of our lives.
This begs the question: Who gets to decide what's appropriate? I remember last summer sitting under a tree at a water park, resting, after multiple trips up and down the slides. I do love water slides! I was dressed in a tankini bathing suit. It had spaghetti straps, a top that revealed maybe an inch of my stomach, and board shorts that hit mid thigh. I had spent two hours running up stairs and sliding down slides, alongside dozens of people, both women and men.
Was I dressed appropriately for the occasion? Yep. Was I modest? Indeed. I had zero desire to draw attention to myself or to show off my hot, sexy body (yeah, right!); I was simply wearing the best option for a water park. Would my tankini bathing suit be an appropriate choice for work? Dumb question. So you see, it isn't that certain types of clothing are inherently immodest; it has to do with the reason behind our choices (humility vs. pride) and the appropriateness to the occasion.
In our church, many families choose to teach their children to wear clothing they would be able to wear once they make temple covenants as adults. Let me go on record to say that this is perfectly okay. Teach your children what is in your heart. We are all doing our best and no one parents perfectly. As long as you teach and guide with love, if you want your children to dress from infancy as though they were temple endowed, that is absolutely okay.
What is not okay is to judge other church members who don't make this same choice. Like me. My kids wore normal, perfectly acceptable clothing. In hot weather, they sometimes wore shorts and tank tops. At swimming pools, they wore swimsuits, for the boys, swim trunks that left their entire upper body exposed! My daughter wore shorter skirts and strapless prom dresses. In the winter, they all wore sweaters, long pants, and coats. Were my children modest? Always. Their clothing was appropriate for the occasion, and their goal was not prideful.
Unfortunately, that wasn't good enough for some church members. They didn't judge my sons so much, but my daughter was often shamed by well meaning but woefully misguided church leaders and members, who felt her clothing wasn't "modest" enough. You know what? That wasn't their choice to make. It was mine, my husband's, and my daughter's. She even received an anonymous letter, implying that, because of her clothing, she would never be able to find a husband who would want to marry her in the temple. Nope, I couldn't make this stuff up.
This is dangerous territory, my friends, and equally dangerous is suggesting to kindergartners in public elementary schools that their shoulders and knees are "immodest." Even if we use the term "modest" to mean covering up one's body (I would never use it this way, but just hypothetically), it's dangerous to use it in relationship to young children. Kids can't be immodest. It's impossible. If you are having sexual thoughts about children, you have a problem. Get help. But don't make silly rules about shorts and tank tops for elementary school kids.
Finally, those of you who choose to have your children dress as though they were temple endowed, please, please teach them not to judge others who don't make the same choice. My daughter remained active in the church and ultimately married in the temple. Turns out her testimony was stronger than the shaming she encountered. For many girls, it wouldn't be.
I'd love to tell my friend's little girl that she'll be welcome at her new school come August, wearing her normal play clothes. I can't. I'm not in charge. What I will say is whoever you are, and whatever you wear, you are welcome in my church. We open our arms to everyone.
As President Uchtdorf proclaimed, "There is room for you in this church."
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