Suffer the Children

The first time Gerald attended an LDS Sacrament Meeting, he left with little recollection of anything that happened. Why? He was too distracted by the beautiful noise of children and the bustle of parents walking in and out of the meeting carrying crying infants and unhappy toddlers.

You see, in the Protestant church in which he grew up (along with most others I know of), children do not attend the primary worship service or at least not all of it. Instead, these churches have a nursery for babies and often a children's church program that happens concurrently with the regular adult worship service. In some cases, children attend the regular meeting for, say 15 minutes, and then go forward for a brief children's sermon before departing to another room for "children's church."

As a result, the worship meeting is pin drop quiet.

In our church, we welcome the children through our entire Sacrament Meeting. This is the one opportunity during the week for entire families to worship together, so there is no nursery or children's programming. During this 70-minute period, everyone is together. I'm not going to make a judgment call about which way is better; it's a cultural thing, not doctrine. I happen to like it that the kids are there. It feels right to me and seems in accordance with Jesus' teachings in Matthew 19, when he instructed us to "Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for such is the kingdom of heaven."

But as I said, it's culture.

(As an aside, "suffer" here is an example of a lovely King James English word, whose meaning has shifted entirely in modern times. Back then, it meant "allow" or "permit." Alas, the use of the King James Bible is another post for another time.)

Back to the topic, if we are going to suffer the children, indeed if we are going to welcome them into our meeting, then we need to truly welcome them, as children, not as miniature adults. We should expect them to act like children, and that means crying infants, active toddlers, talkative preschoolers, and squirmy kids. Seventy minutes is a long time, way too long to expect little people to sit quietly. Goodness, I am a full-grown adult, and sometimes it's even hard for me to do it, and I understand what's going on up there. These little ones don't have a clue, and their attentions spans are super short, much shorter than 70 minutes.

So how do we welcome them? First, we support their sweet parents and we don't judge. Once upon a Sunday, I had a 15-year-old, a 14-year-old, a 9-year old, a 7-year-old, and a newborn baby. Gerald was serving as Ward Clerk, back when Ward Clerks sat up front in the little "Clerk" booth and then walked up and down the aisles counting people. Remember those days? They don't do that anymore, but they did then, so I was alone in the pew. My 15-year-old son was also up front, preparing to pass the Sacrament, and my 14-year-old daughter was on the stand preparing to give a talk. I had just nursed my baby sound asleep, and all I wanted to do was sit and listen to my daughter give her talk, but my two little boys were acting like normal children. They were squirming around and being noisy, and I was sure everyone was looking at me and wondering why I couldn't control my children.

Sensing my distress, a kind, older lady sitting behind me tapped me on the shoulder and whispered, "Don't worry. Enjoy your daughter's talk. Your boys are just fine." I will never forget her. This kind gesture was exactly the support I needed right then, and it is the support I want to offer parents of young children now. Let's help them to know that we love their children and, more importantly, that we love to hear their children in Sacrament Meeting. We Mormons have a lot of kids, so our meetings will never be quiet, but isn't that wonderful? Of course inconsolable babies need to be carried out, and all parents do that, but expecting quiet from a room full of little kids is both unrealistic and ridiculous.

So how do we welcome them? Second, we allow parents to make their own, individual parenting decisions. There is a culture in our church that adheres to certain rules, and sometimes parents who don't follow those rules can feel judged. For example, many LDS parents choose not to give their children any snacks or toys until after the administration of the sacrament, so around 20 minutes into the meeting. This is a perfectly fine policy for those who wish to follow it, but it isn't doctrine, and it isn't for everyone. I gave my kids food, books, paper, toys, jewelry, ANYTHING that would keep them happy from the second we sat down. Seventy minutes is a LONG time. I did my best, and I have no regrets. And yes, in their own time, each learned reverence for the sacrament. My youngest now blesses it every week, and often I am told how much people appreciate the sincere and reverent way in which he does it.

Accordingly, I have heard people advise parents that if they have to take their toddler or young child out of the meeting, they should be sure not to make it a pleasant experience in the foyer. "Be sure they don't have any fun out there, or they will always want to go out."  Again, this is fine for parents who believe this way, absolutely fine. But it wouldn't be my style, and that is okay too. I wanted my kids to like church. I wanted them to want to go. I wanted them to have fun there, and I knew that their age-appropriate behavior would mean that often, we would need to step out for while, so they could move their little bodies. I honestly have fond memories of some of these times: "I know it's hard to sit for so long. Let's take a break together." The bonds we created during those times continue even today, and my youngest is 16.

Whatever our parenting style, may we welcome the children for who they are, precious spirits of our Heavenly Parents, lent to us for such a short time. May we celebrate their voices! Their very presence is evidence of God's love.

Let us suffer the children, because as President Uchtdorf taught, "There is room for you [even the tiniest] in this church."