About 10 years ago, in our ward in Billings, Montana, the Young Men's organization had a fundraiser that involved hair cutting. They solicited donations from ward members in exchange for the boys getting their hair cut. I can't remember what the goal of the fundraising was, but I assume they were donating their proceeds to charity? Sorry, like I said, it was 10 years ago.
Isaiah and Eli were 15 and 13, respectively, at the time so both involved in this activity. It was voluntary. They didn't have to do it. But good sports that they were, both decided to jump in and raise money. We had a hairstylist in our ward, who volunteered her time to the cause. My feeling about the whole thing? Indifference. Because here's the thing about hair: It always grows back. So why not participate?
The hairstylist cut all the boys' hair in a similar style, short, like a traditional "missionary" cut. I winced a little as I watch my boys' beautiful hair fall to the ground, but quickly reminded myself of the above: Hair always grows back. When all the boys were finished, their Young Men's President exclaimed, "This is excellent! Now you boys look like the worthy Priesthood holders you are!"
Dang.
Let me just say that I really, really liked this guy. I still do, actually, though we moved from Montana five years ago, so I no longer have contact with him. He was a good guy and a dedicated leader, doing his best to serve well in his calling. But somewhere along the line, he had embraced an idea that tends to permeate through our Church, the idea that short hair is in some way better than long hair on boys and men, and further, that the clean-shaven look is better than facial hair. That somehow, boys and men with short hair and no beards are more righteous, more spiritual, more obedient, more worthy, and better equipped to exercise their Priesthood responsibilities.
My instant reaction was to jump up and disagree. I didn't. I was sitting by a friend, who also happened to have two boys in the program. She touched my arm and quietly said, "Relax. Breathe. It's okay." And it was. My boys weren't damaged in any way by their leader's remark, and I will ever be grateful to Lisa for her calming words. However, it was important to me that my sons understood that this leader's opinion was not church doctrine. It was only his opinion. It was critical to me that they understood that their own father, who happened to have longish hair and a full beard, was in every way worthy, and no less righteous or spiritual or obedient or well equipped to hold the Priesthood than anyone else.
So I'll bet you can guess the topic of our conversation on the way home that night.
That was 10 years ago, and still, in 2016, this bias against long hair and beards persists. In a struggle to figure out why and where it originated, I've looked back to the history of the Church, combined with the culture of our country. My best guess is that in the turmoil of the 1960s, long hair and beards represented rebellion, the hippie movement, even the drug culture. Perhaps in order to oppose those elements, the Church moved in the opposite direction? David O. McKay was the first President of the Church to be clean-shaven, and yes, he was the Prophet all through the 60s until he died in 1970.
It's making more sense now. What I can't figure out is why this is still a "thing" today, a full 50 years later. Many Church members still feel that short hair and the clean-shaven look is best. And not just more attractive (because that is, of course, purely a matter of opinion), but honestly more righteous. I teach at a Church college, where beards and long hair on male students are prohibited, and "beard control" is hands down the most discussed honor code issue of all, even above things like honesty and plagiarism. It's definitely still a "thing."
I won't attempt to change the rules at the Church institutions, colleges, etc. I figure if you don't wish to follow the code, go to a different school. Two of my sons did exactly that. However, in our regular stakes and wards, we must work toward ending the bias that exists regarding this issue. How can we welcome others as the Savior would if we don't? There is absolutely nothing more righteous about a short haircut or a clean-shaven face. Absolutely nothing.
May we stop pretending there is because as President Uchtdorf taught: "There is room for you [everyone] in this Church."
I have long, thick, curly hair and a goatee on my chin (I can't grow a full beard and mustaches make me look like Joe Dirt). I am constantly being confronted with this absurd bias, often from leaders. I also wear non-white shirts to church and have only just recently been invited to assist with the Sacrament. The 1950s cultural bias is strong in so many ways. Thanks for writing this to remind me that my worthiness has nothing to do with hair or clothing!
ReplyDeleteYes, Alex, our ward still requires white shirts to participate in the Sacrament. Sadly, that means my son, whose job it is to find men to help (our ward never has enough Aaronic Priesthood holders), can't even ask his dad, because Gerald never wears a white shirt. Our son has several times expressed his dismay over this.
DeleteHere are a few thoughts from a crafty, conservative mommy. It's unfortunate the wording used by the young men's leader. I would have probably commented on how they looked like a group of missionaries ready to take the gospel to the world. I feel that would have been much more appropriate.
ReplyDeleteMy opinion of men's hair, both head and facial, has mellowed the last few years thanks to a couple sons-in-law. I personally don't like facial hair. My dad used to torment me and my sister with his scruffy, rough beard. To this day I just don't like whiskers, long or short, on my man, but that's my opinion. It has nothing to do with the church, just personal preference. Fortunately, my husband loves me enough to shave regularly.
I do understand why it is prevalent in church culture. Currently, missionaries and General Authorities don the short hair and clean shaven look. Many seem to think if it's required for them, then it's the proper way for all, which just isn't so. Many of us lifers were raised with very black and white standards. It takes time to accept that many non-doctrinal things are grey and that's okay.
In response to the previous comments about white shirts and the sacrament, please remember this is an ordinance in which these priesthood holders are officiating. Specific clothing is worn for every other ordinance in the church. There is only one ordinance in which we are able to participate more than once, the sacrament. Unfortunately, because of the frequency with which we participate, it is far too commonplace. The most important thing we do each Sunday is to partake of the sacrament and covenant anew with our Heavenly Father. What these young men, and sometimes not so young men, do in preparing, blessing, and passing the sacrament is vital to our salvation. They are literally acting in Christ's stead. To dress as directed is a sign of reverence, humility, and an understanding and preparedness to be Christ's proxy. Of course there may be situations where exceptions must be made, but that is up to the bishop to decide.
"Those who bless and pass the sacrament should dress modestly and be well groomed and clean. Clothing or jewelry should not call attention to itself or distract members during the sacrament. Ties and white shirts are recommended because they add to the dignity of the ordinance. However, they should not be required as a mandatory prerequisite for a priesthood holder to participate. Nor should it be required that all be alike in dress and appearance. Bishops should use discretion when giving such guidance to young men, taking into account their financial circumstances and maturity in the Church." Handbook 2:20.4.1
I am sorry there are those who struggle with the white shirt and tie issue. If this is you, I suggest you search your heart to see why this is an issue for you. If necessary discuss it with your bishop. Let him know your heart and see where it takes you. Above all, please remember we are all striving to hold to the rod amid the swirling mists. We get much farther when we work together.
Thanks for your insightful, respectful, and informative words, Nan. I really appreciate your response. I agree wholeheartedly that partaking of the Sacrament is the most important thing we do during our Sunday meetings; actually, it's the most important thing we do all week. And I don't really mind that, in our ward, they (the bishop, I assume) asks that participants wear white shirts. That has been the case in every ward I've been in, and with four sons, let's just say I've ironed a few white shirts in my lifetime. However, I have heard my youngest son say, "I wish I could ask Dad to help with the Sacrament, but they won't let him because he isn't wearing a white shirt." Gerald always wears a dress shirt and tie, just not white. My response to Seth is that while I don't understand the need for white (or even a preference for white), that's how they like it in our ward. And that is okay. But I think Seth would like to be able to ask his dad.
DeleteAnd yes, your rephrased comment would have been more acceptable to me than the one this YM President made, although I don't for a second think young men need to dress or groom like missionaries, either before or after their missions. I have sent two missionaries, and both cut their hair just before they submitted their papers. Both home now, the older has longer hair and a full beard. The younger (because he attends BYU-Idaho) is clean shaven with short hair, but always grows his beard out when he's home between semesters. The Erichsen-Webster men do like facial hair, and we women are fond of it on our men as well.
Also, I greatly appreciate your perspective as a self-described "lifer" who grew up with very black and white standards. As an adult convert (over 20 years ago), I come with an "outsider's" perspective, and some of the black and white "rules" that have nothing at all to do with doctrine are still so strange to me.
But I totally agree with you that working in unity is what Christ would have us do. In fact, we are told as much in D&C 38:27: "...if ye are not one ye are not mine."